Walking Luci this morning, talking to Jocelyn on the phone, I bemoaned the fact that I couldn't go to a neighborhood garage sale.  (I suppose I could have if I'd taken my scooter with the wagon attached to the back)

We talked about the inevitability of giving up things as we grow older, as Carlene and I often talk about.  Oh how we want to do all the things we used to do!  How hard it is to part with what we used to do so well--whether driving or walking for hour or driving solo cross country with ease!

Jocelyn--coming up on her 54th birthday--said something so remarkable that I want to bottle it and give it to people for Christmas. 

"Whey do we insist on picking a version of ourselves and letting that version be our whole identity?" (That one really hit home for me!)

"We aren't the same person we were at 5 or 25 (or any former age), so why do we not allow ourselves to evolve and BECOME who we are in the season we're currently in?"

Probably, I thought to myself, because of a failure of imagination.  It's not easy to drop The Picture Of Who I Am!

"It's like we pick out one coat and that is the only coat we can wear for the rest of our lives--even if it's too big and swamps us or it's too tight to the point we can't breathe.  We have a to wear that coat because it BELONGS to us, it's who we ARE."

I'm going wow wow wow wow!   "Stop," I say, Write that down.  That's brilliant !"

"Why can't we simply be grateful that we had that coat and it served us well for the time we had it?  Why can't we admit that now is the time to get a new one?"

"Or maybe not a coat at all--how about a sweater?"

Here, I'm starting to fantasize about cashmere and jewels and velvet....but here comes the kicker:

"We beat ourselves up for the way we 'used to do it,' when we find ourselves unable to  to do something the way we always did it--without ever asking ourselves,

"Do I still want to do this, really?  Does it still make me happy?"

Do I hear a big AMEN? 

Seasons of Trees

The sound of chainsaws announces the loss of another old pecan tree, this time in Jan's yard.  It's a sad day watching another one go down, one that has towered over Jan's house for years longer than we've been here on Ogden Lane.

Meanwhile, Curran's roof across the street is badly damaged with repair work ongoing from the short but mighty storm in August.  

Jan had her arborist check out my tree, my one big tree in all the yard, and he pronounced it safe to stay for a while but in need of trimming.  

Fall announces itself with so much beautiful drama north and east of us.  From New England all the way to North Georgia and the Appalachian Trail, the leaf changing season can't be captured in its full beauty in photographs.

Same with Durango, but Will called late last night to tell me a funny story, then he sent me photographs of their bike rides and hikes through changing aspens.  

First, he told me about the 10 year old son of a friend telling his mom a year ago that he was gay.  She  accepted that fact, just told him it might be too soon to know for sure.  

When he met Elena, he announced to his mom that he was no longer gay!

He started sending her notes telling her he had a crush on her.  She said, "That won't work out because I'm fourteen and you're ten."

"But," he said, "Next year I'll be eleven." 

"Next year I'll be fifteen," she said.  Oh yeah, he said.  So now he no longer has a crush on Elena--maybe he's back to gay?

Here are some photos of Colorado in the fall:

Silverton is the town down below

Luci and her Bestie

We once had a dog named Pollo--named by Day as a little girl because he was so beautiful, like Apollo, she said.

Our Pollo was one of several dogs that we found abandoned or that people dropped off in our driveway. Our Pollo was almost identical to another found dog we had named Cookie.  In pictures, I can barely tell them apart.  Here is Will with either Pollo or Cookie, beloved little terriers of some sort.

I believe the one with the brownish ears is Cookie.  Here is Day with Pollo when we brought him home from a creek near Boerne, trembling and scared,

It makes me happy that Luci's newest and favorite friend is named Pollo!   If I ask, "Wanna go see Pollo?" Luci does her happy dance, gets a toy and runs around the house at top speed,

And off we go!

Luci with Pollo and Duke

When Pollo sees Luci, he goes and gets a shoe to show her!

Luci would give just about anything to get inside that gate!

When we first saw Pollo, about a year ago, he was smaller than Luci.
Look at him now!

As we were leaving, a man wearing a Talarico T-shirt happened to be walking his brown nine-year-old Lab named Grisly.  Like me, the man was saying to his dog, "Wanna go see Pollo and Duke?"

These two--nalong with Grisly and Poppy two blocks down--are the stars of the neighborhood. 

According to Google, Labs are the favorite of all dog breeds--bred in the 17th and 18th centuries to help fishermen retrieve fish and help pull fishing lines in from icy waters. They get along with all animals and people.

East of Eden

I remember reading the Steinbeck novel, East of Eden, in the early 70s on the front porch of our house on Beckmann Hill in Helotes.   If you had asked me about the plot 55 years later, I wouldn't have been able to tell you--just that the book was one of the most engrossing books I'd ever read.  

Now Netflix has made the story into a seven-part series so powerful that once you start it, you can't stop.  I watched the first episodes last night, until 2 in the morning, then the final episode this morning.  The casting, acting, and photography make this a not-to-be-missed series.

If you watch it, you'll want to stop and ponder the story for a long time.  After you do, go right to the Netflix podcast called SKIP INTRO, which is an interview with Florence Hugh who plays the main female character, Cathy.  

Luci's love affair

What a wonderful walk now that it's October!  I'd forgotten that it could be cool, walked out of the house in my shorts on auto-dress. 

Luci is the kind of dog who isn't widely socialized around canines.  Maybe she thinks she's a human?  At any rate, she usually responds to other dogs with moderate to no pleasure.  There is, however, an exception. She LOVES Labrador Retrievers--even though they are about five times her size.

A couple of blocks down there is a handsome white lab and nothing in the world makes her happier than seeing him through his fence.  She shrieks with joy and leaps around like a puppy.  When we get to his fence, they lick each other and greet each other with delight, though the lab is more restrained and Zen about it all.  Luci's like a crazy lady wanting to get inside the gate to play. This morning I almost took her off her leash to see what she'd do because she could literally squeeze through the bars of his gate if I let her, and who knows if she'd come back!

I wish labs came in miniature sizes so I could get her a playmate.  

I would love to know what it is about Labs that make them universally loved and trusted, even by a little dog who never trusts a big dog.  Does anyone know?

Inside Out, Outside In

Back in the late 90s, the way to get into the Bread Loaf Writing Conference in Vermont was to submit 20 pages of an unfinished book-in-progress. Mine was Women and Houses. 

I'd been encouraged to apply by my then-editor Hope Harris (no relation) who was trying out Texas with her husband. She was at the time a real editor in New York and didn't stay long in Texas, but long enough to start a writing group in Boerne--which I attended with Joy. Not only did she plant a seed in me to start writing groups in San Antonio, but she liked my writing!  

When I got my letter of acceptance in the category of creative nonfiction, I was overjoyed!  I would drive there so I'd have my own car to explore New England. My mentor would be Terry Tempest Williams.  

Bread Loaf

I remember long conversations with Terry and other writers on the lawn of Middlebury College, sitting in the grass or in Adirondack chairs.  On one of my one-on-one conversations with Terry about my book, she asked me, "What is the difference between questions we ask in inside spaces and the questions we ask in outside spaces?"

When I don't know how to answer a question, it reverberates in my mind for years, like a zen koan, as that one does.  Terry was (and still is) an outdoor-space writer; I was an inside-space writer.  What were the differences?

I'm still pondering that....

As I get older, I think about the differences between the outside version of a person and the inside version.  When I was younger, I might worry about a pimple or a bad hair day or some other defect on my outside self. As I get older, I'm much more interested in the inner self.  The outer persona reflects, for good or ill, all the good and bad habits and attitudes of all the preceding years. 

My mama, Carlene, at 101 is the best example I can think of: loving to walk for decades, eating an orange every day, and avoiding habits that damage the skin.  She also has a lifetime optimism and laughs more than anyone I know. 

Yesterday I went to Walgreens to get my passport picture taken. In the bright light of the flash, the picture was a shocker.  One eye was way bigger than the other.  My nose was wider and flatter than it is in the mirror at home.  My eyelids were puffy.  Lines and wrinkles, sallow skin--the camera wasn't kind!

Had I seen that picture of myself a few decades ago, it would have made me run home and pull the blankets up to cover my unfortunate face!  But I didn't have time or inclination to do that.  I had places to go and people to see, and the impact of the moment was short-lived.  

I went about my day.  The thrift shop, the grocery store. 

I ordered a pocket book online--imagining myself carrying it while wearing some of my favorite jackets and pants, with a passport inside of course, off on an international adventure.  The pocketbook (handbag or purse to some of you) was a bit of a splurge and I knew it would make me look chic as all get out!

Truth is, I don't spend a lot of time tending to how I look.  

In real life, what excites me is looking, more than being looked at (or not) by passing strangers. 

In our older years, the tables of our 20s and 30s and 40s are exchanged for entirely different tables: observing, watching, conversations that light us up.  

We're like houses, old houses, with many rooms.  The exterior may be shabby, paint peeling, in need of repair.  Eyes are like windows, bringing the outside in, and revealing the inside to passersby.  

If I could go back and continue that conversation with Terry, I'd say this:

Just as you were shaped by the wide open spaces and landscapes of Nevada, I was shaped by the interior of houses.  We didn't have expansive vistas in Cochran, Georgia, but spent time in our own homes and those of grandparents and cousins and friends.  

My writing never was about houses, per se.  The house has always been a metaphor for the Self.

First Weekend of Fall

I have to say: I live in an incredible neighborhood.  I know it has a stereotypical '09 reputation but what I know of it on Ogden and Argo and Abiso is altogether wonderful, down to earth people helping each other out and creating our own little community inside Alamo Heights. 

When the storm hit and felled trees, my neighbors across the street (who had no damage at all) rented a huge trailer and got busy cleaning up, attracting helpers up and down the street.

Last night, Jan knocked on my door after one of those in-bed-most-of-the-day days, calling out "Meals on Wheels!" She brought a glass of wine and a bowl of deliciousness featuring roasted garbanzos and vegetables!  Then she took Luci on our nightly walk with her and Carma.  If that's not stellar friendship, I don't know what know what is! 

Because of Luci, I've been walking the neighborhood for the past five years and have met friends of all ages.  Sydney and Phillip are in their twenties, lovely people, with two little children.  Sydney worked as a nurse before having James and Rowen, both under three.  Last week she asked me if I knew anyone with a sewing machine she could borrow, and I told her, "This is your lucky day!  My mom gave me her Bernina so I have two."

It's hard for me to ask for help, but she and Julian have always  said they are happy to help if I ever need anything.  Yesterday I needed something heavy moved and they were here--with Shannon, the man who lives next door, in a flash--and it was done.

Will is here for the weekend, speaking at a conference and finishing up a few sales on the property they are selling--the house closes in a couple of weeks.  He spent the morning coaching me on the use and safety issues of the scooter.  I've been waiting to use it until I had someone to walk me through it--and he's a great teacher.  I finally feel like I can maneuver the neighborhood without problems, so it's like a brand new toy! 

Day and I are taking an online class called Making Zen--taught by several fiber and mixed media artists. We'll be dyeing fabric, embroidering, and learning new skills involving needles and thread. Every afternoon next week, we'll both be getting six classes, with a lifetime library of classes to watch whenever we like.  I'm psyched about it!

For some unknown and unknowable reason, my foot and leg pain decreases when I hang out with family in Georgia, in Virginia, and in Colorado.  After three days in a row of being practically bed-bound, I'm going to tell my kids: "If this keeps up, I'm going to move to Colorado or Virginia.  Which of you wants me?" 

For the foreseeable future, this house stays my home base--where else would I find this many friends in such close proximity?  But I'll hopefully manage to go to Georgia, Colorado, and Virginia more often and stay a couple of weeks in each place instead of only 5 or 6 days.  .  

Where in the world, at this age, would I ever find a neighborhood as great as this one?  

Meanwhile, in Colorado, Elena attended her first homecoming dance at her new high school.  She wore a short black dress and cowgirl boots and looks like she had a blast with her new friends.  They are definitely all in their happy place and I couldn't be happier for them!

By the looks of it, the getting ready for and dressing up together were the highlights of homecoming:

PIcnic and Party at Palmetto Park

This foursome friendship is priceless!

I'm the youngest by a smidge but following close behind my three dear friends who have already (or in Sylvia's case, about to) moved into The Eighties. I'm so grateful to have had these three lively, vibrant, loving, reading and writing friends for over 50 years.  

Sylvia brought stacks of our "newsletters"--which we created years ago to reflect together on "life its own self" (ML) long before blogs and email accounts and social media. 

Each month one of us suggested a topic and off we went to our typewriters to write a page or two.  Over the years those pages became boxes of pages.  Beverly and I wish we had the energy now to arrange them all, along with stacks of photos) into a book!  We built a connection the likes of which you just can't get over cigarettes, martinis, and bridge.  

Beverly is the queen of celebrations and meaningful rituals and retreats.   Yesterday she brought Mary Oliver poems and we read them aloud.  Larry made and sent two chocolate birthday cakes for my upcoming 78th birthday and Sylvia's 80th. I told her one of my favorite ever birthdays was my 50th.  She and Larry hosted six friends at their beach house in Port Aransas, and Larry grilled shrimp for us. It was a magical weekend on the sand! 

Mary Locke and Beverly brought a picnic, presents, and party favors. Mary Locke described us as a group this way: "we're all still full of curiosity and zest for life!" I love that--because I, too, see passion and curiosity in each of us.

Sylvia is about to turn 80?  When we all met,  she and I were in our late twenties.  While the others of us were already mamas, Sylvia was glamorously single and happened to live in an upstairs apartment that is now the upstairs of Jan's house right next door! 

Back when I lived in Helotes and didn't know this neighborhood at all, we went to Sylvia and Peter's wedding party at Allen's house across the street from where I live now. (Feels like a few lifetimes ago!) 

Mary Locke, Beverly, Linda, and Sylvia 

Sassy and fun-loving as ever, Sylvia make 80 look wonderful!

Sylvia and Mary Locke by the river

What is that attracted us to each other and bound us into a group so long ago?  That we were all Southern Baptist girls growing up?  That if anyone sang the first three words of any hymn from the blue hymn book, we all knew all the words?  That we had similar sensibilities?  Loved stories?  Were fascinated by the inner lives of ourselves and each other and strangers? That we loved deviled eggs and pimento cheese and black eyed peas and cornbread?  

Who knows?

Some of all that--and more. Here's to friendships that flourish for over fifty years!

Post Script to Jan's "Life Lessons"

        I know you must look forward to my daily reports because they are so uplifting. So today I bring you the household horror news of 9/23/2026: my small floor vacuum, which is only a year or two old, has breathed its final breath. No warning. Just death. And so I shall resort to the old fashioned ways of my mother and haul out the straw broom to do my chores. What more might go wrong, you ask? Let’s not go there.

         While we all have experienced a dying appliance now and then, it’s the continuing saga of these curses that might warrant concern. Is there a poltergeist lodging at 611 Ogden Lane who is trying to dislodge the current landowner?

I Swear

..... is a not-to-be-missed movie based on a real life story of a boy with Tourette's Syndrome.

The acting and story are phenomenal! 

I loved it so much I bought the book as well.   

"I Swear" is available on Netflix.