Being Ladylike

Betty commented recently that her best-friend-since-kindergarten (naming no names) has taken to using colorful language at times--not like the words they used to use back when they were star twirlers and homecoming queens.

Back in the day, we were taught to be "ladylike" in our speech, decorous in all things, mannerly.

My sweet grandmother, for example, wouldn't even call the white meat of a chicken a breast or the dark meat legs--as that wouldn't have been ladylike.  When she excused herself from the room, she never "went to the bathroom," she always went to "powder her nose."

We addressed adults with a mannerly "Sir" or "Mam." We appeared agreeable, even when we weren't. We showed respect.

Ladylike girls  didn't talk about bodily functions.  When adults did, the language was so veiled and proper that we'd walk away not quite knowing what they just said.  On the day the school nurse came to tell us about "periods," one girl fainted right there on the spot.

Ladylike was the order of the day.  We called our elders men and ladies. Some men called adult women "girls."

A lady didn't make waves; a woman--well, you never could tell what she might make.  A lady was deferential and "nice." The word, woman, had a bit of a negative connotation, paired as it often was with words like "loose" or "fallen."   .

But times change.

Feminists called our attention to labels.  Maya Angelou, in her poem, "Phenomenal Woman," cast a whole new light on womanhood.  Tammy Wynette was still singing "Stand By Your Man," but Nancy Sinatra was also singing "These Boots Were Made for Walking."  We could stand by our men, if they were stand-by worthy, but we could also don boots and walk right out if they weren't.  We learned to be angry, enraged by outrageous things, and independent.

While we were being ladies, many sleazy men were doing exactly what high profile men are now being called out for doing, but ladies didn't talk about it back then.  It was too embarrassing to say that some bozo had actually said and done what that bozo actually said and did.  Besides, we were conditioned to believe that if a man did or said those things, it was probably our fault.  We were too friendly, we wore our skirts too short, we "let" them do it.

Being ladylike meant being silent, soft-spoken, and non-confrontational.  But when a sea change happens, and when we've had enough of lies, betrayal, unwarranted wars, garbled nonsense, sexual harassment, bullying, insults, name-calling, men poking their noses into our business, threats that could  start a nuclear war, and good-ole-boy politics, the proper womanlike response is power talk and actions that register genuine rage.