How to Cook Husbands

Diana loaned me the strangest little book on Sunday, and I read it last night in one hour--a 200 page book, a little tiny book, with about 150 words on each page.

How to Cook Husbands  by Elizabeth Strong Worthington is book Diana found on her mother's bookshelf.  It was published before the turn of the century--the previous century--and it has the following charming qualities:

A--a real book on paper (with yellowed pages that turn as you read)
B--the gentle humor and quaint language of the period
C--a book that reads like the author just sat down and wrote it in one sitting without an editor
D--an enjoyable narrative voice
E--a mix of plot (will she marry as all her friends insist?); recipes; and observations of nature

I suspect that--given the names of the characters in the book--Strong and Worthington are made up names, but who knows?  The narrator seems strong-headed and worthy--of a husband, that being what she everyone wants her to hurry up and get!

The plot is interwoven with recipes--or advice to wives about how they should be "cooking" their husbands. As a "spinster" in her mid-thirties, she observes the marriages of her neighbors and offers advice as to how those wives should treat their particular husbands.  She muses on whether or not she even wants one--given how much she enjoys her freedom to walk about and do what she chooses.

     "It is far better to have none, unless you patiently learn to cook him. A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is the best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do, with care."

     "See that the linen, in which you wrap him, is nicely washed and mended, with the required amount of buttons and strings, nicely sewed on. Tie him in a strong kettle called Comfort, as the one called Duty is apt to be weak.  They sometimes fly out of the kettle, and become burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and oysters, you have to cook them alive."

     "Make a clear, strong, steady fire out of Love, Neatness, and Cheerfulness.  Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. It he sputters and fizzles, don't be anxious; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar, in the form of what confectioners call Kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account...."