Words from David Whyte

"We learn, grow and become compassionate and generous as much through exile as homecoming, as much through loss as gain, as much through giving things away as in receiving what we believe to be our due." David Whyte

I found that quotation this morning when I was searching for one I didn't find.  What I was looking for, having attended a funeral yesterday, was one I know almost by heart:

"When the list of accomplishments and degrees  is read, the eyes of the people glaze over; when the people who loved the deceased talk about their loved one, the change in the energy in the room is palpable."  (an approximation of his words from memory)

When the son of the man who had died spoke about his father, and when his old friends spoke, there were tears and laughter.  When the officiator spoke, our eyes glazed over.

A few years ago, a group of friends designed our own "going away parties."  We didn't want buildings or any of the usual funeral fare.  We wanted our last parties to be expressions of our lives and loves.  We made playlists of the music we wanted.  We hoped no one who didn't know us would pop in with a reading of our resumes and a pastiche of generic funereal cliches.

In death and in life, we want to know how people were exiled, what they gave away, who they loved, and all the big and little ways they left their footprints in the world.