Thursday

Three days after departing to Memphis Apple, my Mac is back, responsive, and working as it's designed to.

I wish I could say the same for myself.  Like all of you probably, I'm feeling the terror of Trump and his cronies seriously threatening Democracy.  

I'm also having what Betty calls "grief bursts."  small and uninvited explosions of grief in the middle of doing something entirely unrelated. Sometimes they flare in a tiny moment, then all past griefs gather around it in a cluster. 

With so many things going disastrously wrong in America, grief, anger, roller coaster emotions, and sadness are to be expected.  Rage, loss, fear of loss.  Of people we love, of a way of life we thought was a done deal.  Of equanimity and calm.  

I have grief bursts every day.  Today driving down McCollough, I remembered the sound of Elena's voice from the back seat: "We're gonna get a green light, we're gonna get a green light!" and we'd giggle together as I paced the accelerator as best I could to make her chant do its magic.

The next five green lights were blurry.