On the other hand

My friend Gary used to say, in response to almost any strong opinion of mine, "Yes, but on the other hand...."

He was always sort of teasing. He had that Gary-twinkle in his eyes.

But after a person dies, his words have a way of tumbling over and over in your brain for the rest of your life. They take on added import because you can't call him and ask him to say more.  (Actually, Gary and I happened to agree on pretty much everything--and he'd be as horrified as I am about this present administration, no other hands about it.)

I was thinking of his words this morning regarding my NA post of yesterday.  I don't take it back, I mean it.  But on the other hand, there are lots of things that get better as we grow older.  Let me count the ways--or at least the first few that come to mind:

1. We don't let other people talk for us, explain us to ourselves, tell us what to say or not say, or hijack our stories.  Yesterday, seven smart women in the casita--aged fifties to seventies: Our voices are fiercer and more honest than a decade ago. We're past holding back,we say it like we see it, in our own words, of which we have more than we used to.

2. We know what we want--and if we don't, we know who can help us whack through the tangles and thorns on the path to knowing it. Friendship matters even more now than it did when we thought we had all the time in the world.

3. While some odd ducks may try to shame, ignore, belittle, betray us, or put us in boxes, we refuse to go there--or if we do go there for a minute, we climb out way faster with bad knees and creaky joints than we did when we were young with perfect everythings!

4. If crazies get elected or laws are passed that devastate the poorest of the poor, the sickest of the sick (while giving billions of tax cuts to the richest of the rich), we march, boycott, write, volunteer, and shout, like the people in that old movie, Network, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

(Gloria Steinem said: “Women grow radical with age.  One day an army of gray-haired women may quietly take over the earth.”)  I'm not sure about "quietly."

5. We have the spectacular advantages of friendships with people much older than we are and much younger than we are.

6. While there are plenty of people out there who have way more than us (more money, more degrees, more talent, more stuff, more boyfriends, whatever), we finally know that "more" is not what we're after.   Most of us are more inclined to Let Go Of than to Get More anyway. We're determined to do the most with what we have and let go of whatever shrinks or stifles.