In some cultures there are no words to describe what could be, could have been, or might have been. Something just is or isn't. I heard about that on NPR and I'm going to try to track it down.
One man (first generation American, I believe) asked his father, "What if you'd followed your dream and been a doctor?" And the man simply replied, "Well, I didn't. That's that."
But in English, we explore possible other actions: "If he had lived longer, he would have...." or "If I had gone to a different college...." or "If I had married a different person...." "If Bernie had been elected President...."
Native English speakers learn this early. Elena is the only little person I've observed every week of her life since my own children were little, so I'll use one of our conversations last night as an example:
Last night she said she would one day have a baby, but only if she meets a husband just like her daddy. Then her face darkened as she imagined a possible scenario going on down that road. Tears welled up in her eyes as the picture materialized in her mind. "But then my daddy would be a grandpa and he might be in a wheelchair."
Our language allows us to go there. We can imagine all kinds of things to scare us or reassure us.
On a recent visit to a nursing home, I later found out, she had met old men in wheelchairs--and was able to project way into the future and see her young, strong daddy like those old men.
"Not all old men are in wheel chairs." That's all I could think to say--but it seemed to make the image fade from her mind.
"Now that my parents see that I can spend the night, we can go to the beach trip," she said.
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