I love the title of this book by Toko-pa Turner. "Belonging" is a word I've mostly encountered in the writings of John O'Donahue and David Whyte--and it's like a magnet every time. It's not a word that comes up a lot over coffee or wine; nobody ever talks about it on the news.
Belonging, she says, is one of the most important underlying conversations of our time, but we rarely actually talk about it directly. Who wants to admit to feeling like an outsider? When we feel shunned, excluded, judged, or estranged from the "in group"--it's best to keep that to ourselves and just rock on along, "acting as if." we feel a certain way, smiling through the private heartbreaks.
Every tribe values certain personality traits and beliefs and actions over others. We learn fast, as children, what they are and try to conform to them--knowing that the alternative is being left out in the cold, not invited in.
"Act like a lady."
"Be a real man."
"Stop being so dramatic...." or sensitive, or loud, or moody, or whatever
Conforming may buy us temporary approval and acceptance, but it's based on a false version of who we really are, the one we've made up so we can stay at the party. We may even choose partners or professions based on what "they" approve of and like.
How we stop cutting off or warping parts of ourselves so other people will like us better is the subject of this book. The writer's perspective is that dreams and art-making are among the ways we re-member, (as it take back the cut off members of ourselves) to feel at home in the world being exactly who we are.
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